In case you forgot, here's a picture of the ring:
So will all this joyfulness, you ask, how could there possibly be a rant involved? Well, let me tell you.
********WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD*****************
We walked into the house, and I showed his mom and grandma (who were very happy), and the first thing his dad says to us is, "October 6 won't work. Ryan [Tony's brother] won't be there, I might not be there. It's the first day of archery season, we'll be hunting. Change your date. Make it in September instead."
Obviously, I'm immediately ticked off because he didn't even congratulate us. He's more worried about his precious ONE DAY of hunting than his son's ONE AND ONLY wedding day. I shoot back, "We aren't changing the day. It's ONE DAY and if you want to choose hunting over your own son then that's fine with me. It's your choice."
Look, I UNDERSTAND that hunting season is important. I really do. My whole family has been deer crazed for as long as I can remember. But here's the thing: Hunting season does NOT happen for one day only. There are months and months of hunting to do. If you miss the first day, you don't just quit until next year. You go the next weekend, or if you're lucky, maybe even as soon as the Monday of the next week. I have missed plenty of things that I LOVE that actually do only happen once a year so that I could attend friend's and families weddings. I don't call them and tell them to change their wedding date because it means I will have to miss out on my favorite event. I suck it the fuck up, miss the event, plan to go next year if I can, and have a GREAT time at the wedding. In fact, the last TWO years, I have missed the same event in order to go to weddings. I never once thought of complaining to the bride and the groom that their day conflicted with something else I wanted to do, and I definitely NEVER thought of not going to their wedding.
You know, I might have considered changing our date if he had talked to us about it with the mindset that it's OUR wedding date and only WE have the power to change it. And only because we want to, not because we feel forced. I also would have appreciated it if he had been a little more polite about us announcing that we were officially engaged. I mean, his mom wasn't particularly nice about it: her words were, "Oh so he finally let you have it, huh?", but at least she seemed happy about it. [My parents, on the other hand gave congratulations and handshakes and hugs. Even my own grandparents didn't say congratulations, but at least my grandma said, "Oh I like Tony."] Maybe if Tony's dad had approached us in a different way, I would be less angry at his "request", which wasn't really a request at all, it was more of a demand.
That being said, Ryan doesn't even know that we are engaged yet. I'm assuming Larry had a chat with him and told him our plans and what day we were planning on getting married. Then I can only assume that Ryan got all wound up about it being the first day (he's a freaking NUT about hunting. Seriously. I have no idea how his wife can stand him.), which then in turn got Larry all wound up about it.
At the very root of all of this is the fact that I'm extremely PISSED and offended that Tony's own brother and FATHER would say that they would rather choose one singular day of hunting over Tony's wedding day. (DAY, not week, or month, or year. ONE FUCKING DAY). What that says to me is that the first day of archery season (that doesn't even count the first day of all the other types of hunting: rifle and doe, etc etc) is MORE IMPORTANT than being there to show your love and support for your own family member on the day they make a lifelong commitment to your future sister and daughter-in-law, respectively. How completely fucked up is that?
At the end of the day, if Tony's dad and brother don't show up, THEY are going to be the one's who will look like total assholes for choosing hunting over their son/brother. I'm not going to look like the shithead, and Tony won't look like the shithead, they will. So, if that's what they chose, then so be it. I'm fine with telling Angela (Ryan's wife), that she is MORE than welcome to come. And I also have no problem with telling Ryan that if he's going to be late, or dirty, or bloody or any combination of the above or otherwise not suitable for a wedding then he should just stay at home with his dead animal and not bother coming at all. And the same can go to Larry.
I have no idea how my side of the family will react. My grandfather, father, uncles and probably other relatives I haven't thought about hunt. So, it's their choice whether they are going to come or not. And truthfully, as long as my grandfather and dad show up, all will be well. And I know that my dad and grandpa will show up, there's little that would keep them from my wedding.
What it comes down to is this: If you have to really think hard and debate over whether going hunting, or coming to my wedding is more important, then you really shouldn't be there to begin with. You obviously don't love and support me in the way that I want to be loved and supported. And I really want to be surrounded by people who truly and honestly love and support me on my wedding day. If it's really that hard of a decision for you, then don't bother.
I think it's pretty obvious that I am still extremely pissed about this whole situation, and I actually get madder and madder every time I think about it. I really don't need this ridiculous stress added on top of the other things that I have to worry about. I really don't need to be worried and stressed about who will be AT my wedding on the day that I got engaged! It's ridiculous. And I can just imagine them not showing up and me being in tears on my wedding day because my own future family chose dead deer over me.
ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! Frustration!! I will keep you updated.