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Monday, August 1, 2011

Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties

We aren't having them!!!

Well, we aren't having the traditional bachelor/bachelorette parties. It just isn't happening (so dear Man of Honor and Best Man--we aren't doing it, sorry). That doesn't mean that we won't have a kick ass time, though!

Neither Tony or I really like the whole idea of strippers (I don't like the idea of being touched by a half naked, oily man that I don't even know, and Tony isn't thrilled with that thought either. On the complete flip side, we aren't really excited about female strippers either.) So, in case you're sitting there thinking that it's because one of us isn't "allowing" it; you're totally wrong. We just don't think it sounds fun and it doesn't embody what we imagine a wedding to be.

  1. Weddings are supposed to be the joyful (yes, I said joyful) union of two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together and want to share this with their friends and family. Therefore:
  • We aren't celebrating our last "party" before we aren't single anymore. We don't consider ourselves to be single; though I understand it means "unmarried". We are committed and don't have any desire to touch random people or have random scantily clad people touch us. We're perfectly happy the way we are. IF either one of us wanted to go to a strip club, we wouldn't need to have a reason. 
  • The whole concept is ridiculous. I don't know about other engaged or soon-to-be-engaged people, but I know that we aren't going to suddenly become boring once we get married. So, why the need to have "one last fling before the ring"? Why do you have to have "one last party", if you plan to be the same after the wedding? 
  • What these parties say for marriage is crazy, in my (and Tony's) opinion. These parties say that you're going to be so tied down and miserable after you're officially married that you better run out and see as many breasts as possible. You'll never see other breasts ever again, other than your wive's (though apparently, you'll never see those either!)
There's a ton more points that I could make; but I'll spare you. 

It just makes me wonder if any of this bullshit is a part of the reason why there's so many divorces. First of all; I'm really open. If Tony or I decided that we were madly in love, but some of our needs weren't being met, or that they couldn't be met (i.e. One of us got sick, disabled, didn't want to, couldn't, wouldn't/couldn't accommodate a desire or fantasy of the partner), then I would be alright with setting boundaries and limits and allowing one or both of us to look outside of the marriage to fulfill those needs. Why divorce an otherwise happy marriage just because one or both partners can fulfill your every wish?

It's highly unrealistic to assume that one person will be able to be everything you'll ever need. It really is. Call me crazy, but seriously. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they'll always be satisfied with the other person. And let's face it; we will ALWAYS be attracted to other people besides our spouses. ALWAYS. There may be a few people out there who disagree, but they're either delusional or they are the very very slim minority. Can you imagine how many marriages are broken up or destroyed because one or both partners stray? Can you imagine how many marriages could be spared if both partners were honest about their attraction for others? And, can you imagine how many marriages would GET BETTER if those partners could understand that just because their partners are attracted to/want to sleep with other people that it DOESN'T CHANGE the fact that their partner loves the hell out of them; and instead of feeling betrayed and unloved, they said, "here are the rules; have fun!"?

The truth is that marriage and monogamy and relationships in general are relative of each individual couple. We should STOP forcing everybody into these tight, restrictive molds for what marriage "should" be. Let each couple decide what works for them and let them do it without so many social pressures to be the "model" wife or husband. 

That being said; those are the exact reasons why we aren't having bachelor/bachelorette parties. They don't fit in with our ideals or opinions of what weddings are. Other couples are more than welcome to participate in these expected festivities, and those in our bridal party who are offended that we aren't going to strip clubs, well, who's stopping you? You can go just about every night of the week; so go for it! 

We do, however, believe in celebrating with our really close family and friends and have a pre-wedding celebration to just relax and have fun. So, I've been looking up some alternatives to these parties, and I've found a couple interesting ones. I particularly like the idea of having a scavenger hunt and splitting into two teams "bride" and "groom" and competing. Tony doesn't seem extremely thrilled about it; but he was also really tired when I brought it up; so it's hard to judge his true reaction. I'll obviously have to do some more research, come up with some more ideas and ask again. 


Well, this post went on a little longer than I had intended for it to do, so I'll wrap this up now. I just wanted to give a quick (haha) explanation why we've decided not to have these parties, but that we still plan on having a party; just not the naked groping kind. 

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